Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
