The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
