I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
