I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Less talking, more tequila
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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