You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
