I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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