Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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