just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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