is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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