Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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