Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
