I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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