I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You can't motorboat a personality
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
