Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
