D3 body, D1 cock
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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