So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
