He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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