It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm like, not good at living.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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