All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
