is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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