what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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