I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
