Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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