im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
