My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
