all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
