If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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