Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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