Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
