sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
