why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
