I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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