you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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