Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
