She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
