I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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