Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So apparently I’m into choking now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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