In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I haven't been this sober since birth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
