You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
