My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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