my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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