Midget sex pt 2 tonight
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
