It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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