LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can you bring me the toilet please
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
