you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
