she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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