So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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