and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
