Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were destined to go to rehab together
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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