you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize