So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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