How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
