K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
These tits shall not be calmed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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