you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
