So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
