I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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