Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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