he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
FUCK WHALES
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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