I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
