He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
