I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
