he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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