seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want a musical about memes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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