the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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