bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
