I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
