I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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