you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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