I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
