The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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