Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is my life. Enjoy the view
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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